My gorgeous wife Jules, the most gorgeous talented wife in the world, was due to have a baby in a week's time and I had been planning to get the book knocked off before the birth but she's gone into labour early so I'm going to have to get a bit of a bend on and bash it out before they both come home from hospital. Have I told you I haven't written a book before? What shall I do? Hey, just had an email from my publisher that any old drivel will do as long as I make the word count. So is this OK? I really hope so, because I really, really want you to like me. Hey, that's one chapter down. This book writing is easier than I thought. So let me tell you a funny story. On second thoughts, let's just call it a story. My parents were both in the Salvation Army and I knew from the first time I stood on a chair at my sister's christening that I was going to be a performer. Fascinating. So what else can I tell you? We lived near High Wycombe and we were the happiest family ever. It may surprise you to know that when I was 11 my parents sent me to secondary school. I wasn't the brightest kid on the block, but somehow I always had this faith in my acting talents and when I left school and got a part in the West End musical Martin Guerre – definitely up there as one of the best musicals ever written, in my opinion. I was the happiest person on the entire planet as I was working with some of the most talented people I have ever met.
The Church of Alan Darcy, starring Bob Hoskins. I don't suppose many of you saw the movie but it is definitely one of the best films ever made and Bob is one of the most iconic actors of his generation and taught me more about acting than anyone else apart from all the other extremely talented actors I went on to work with later. I should also mention that it was at this time I met Shelley, the most talented and beautiful girl in the world, and we stayed together for eight of the happiest years of my life. "Are you sitting down, James?" It was my agent on the phone. "Mike Leigh wants you to star in a film alongside Alison Steadman." Can you believe it? Me, working with Mike and Alison the two most talented people in the world. Ever. I was like, "Yes. When can I start?" it was just such a totally mind-blowing experience working with such talented people and I wondered if I would ever get to work with such talented people again, but luckily I got to work on Fat Friends and Teachers with some more of the most talented actors and directors in the world. Ever, ever.
